Mom. The role you desired the most, only to discover it is like nothing you’ve imagined. Tova Leigh strips motherhood of its comfortable shell of perfection, telling things as they are. Brutally honest, she sends a message to every woman who has ever felt trapped: the only one who can help you escape is you!
Within the pages of this book, you will find funny depictions of life as a mother, as well as raw moments that we have all lived. Empowering words suggest to us that we have the power to step outside the mom box, and be exactly who we would want to be.
I was glad to accompany Tova on her journey of rediscovering who she was after becoming a mother, and I applauded her efforts to break free from the norms society imposes on women. She chose to be herself, inspiring other women to do the same. While this is her own experience she is talking about, it does not take more than a full second to relate to some of the parts.
Absolutely relatable? Not exactly. As mothers and women, we each have our own story, and we are free to take all the decisions necessary to feel comfortable in the roles life has given to us. What I would encourage other women to do is read her story, finding inspiration on living life as yourself first. Mom, wife and other roles should follow.
Why do we talk so little about women experiencing a mid-life crisis? Once men reach that point, it seems everyone has something to say about the difficulties they are facing. Tova is one of the few women who had the courage to speak about her breakdown, and she has made some astute observations throughout the book.
I liked how she talks openly about taboo topics, challenging what we believe should be discussed out in the open. It’s refreshing.
When did “mom” became just a label? The author explores this issue throughout the book, saying something that is so painfully true over and over again: motherhood is tough. Yes, you will love your kids to the moon and back, unconditionally, but you will also feel suffocated, needing time for yourself. In the end, as you will find from this book, it is all about finding balance.
Tova talks about her family, and how it contributed, in one way or the other, to who she is in the present. I also got the feeling she encouraged her readers to find the power and break dysfunctional generational patterns. She also approaches themes we all deal with, including sexuality, love and relationships. It’s easy to get lost behind the mom label, but it is possible to get back to who you are, making time for your own pleasures.
The fear of getting stuck is a major theme, and I liked how she made a bucket list to go through during her mid-life crisis. Her list included bungee jumping, going to a naked spa and traveling. Once again, we each have our own story, and this is why our bucket list would also be different.
Favorite quote:
“The key thing about living by other people’s expectations is it means we are not responsible when things go wrong. Acknowledging the fact that you are free to do as you please is scary. That’s why most of us prefer not seeing it. We live our lives resisting the basic freedom we were born with, which is to be ourselves.”
Verdict:
Even though I did not relate to every aspect part of the book, I found it to be an inspiring read. Too often, I see motherhood depicted as a state of utter happiness, and I am tired of seeing those perfect mothers posing with their perfect babies. Tova says it like it is, and I like her brutal honesty. Motherhood is tough and there is no sense of hiding it.
The book is a great read, and, as you will devour one page after the other, you will come to the conclusion there are so many issues mothers are afraid to talk about, fearing they will be judged. Perhaps it’s time to stop the guilt shaming and support one another, including when it comes to stepping outside the mom box.
Get your copy of “F*cked at 40: Life Beyond Suburbia, Monogamy & Stretch Marks” from here.